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Ginia
I've gone identity mad ♠
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Nombre de messages : 639
Age : 30
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Date d'inscription : 27/08/2006

MessageSujet: Listes/Tops   10/07/07, 09:45 pm

Vous avez déjà vu des tops 10,20,100 etc... comiques et vous aimeriez les partager avec nous? C'est ici!

Puisqu'on attend la sortie de HP5 au ciné et la sortie de HP7 en librairie, voici des tops cocasses HP.
____________________________________________________________

123 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort

Sure-fire ways to get yourself killed, or at least Crucio'd round the block and back again


Started by Amanda Lack (stars_planets_clocks), and added to by countless others

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, O Dark One' whenever he starts to talk of what caused him to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.'

36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban.'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'

51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'

52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.

56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London....

63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'

80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.

82. Cuddle him at random moments.

83. Sign him up for Little-League.

84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'

87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

91. Write sonnets for him.

92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'

95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'

96. Mock his baldness.

97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

98. Get him drunk.

99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'

100. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.

101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.

102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'

103. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'

104. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.

105. Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap.

106. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you.

107. ..at Christmas.

108. Make him dance in the rain with you.

109. Insist that this is to cleanse his soul.

110. "Accidentally" schedule him a him a haircut.

111. ..even though he's bald.

112. Be offended by everything he says.

113. When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.

114. Invite him to go streaking.

115. Kill Harry.

116. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.

117. ..make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.

118. Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definitely a bad idea.

119. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.

120. Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT BURNS!!!"

121. Bake him scar shaped cookies, but insist it wasn't purposeful.

122. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.

123. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.
_____________________________________________________________

17 Ways to Distract Voldemort while Harry Searches for Horcruxes

Guaranteed to send Voldemort after you instead!


by Angelika

This list may contain spoilers!

1. Choreograph an artistic dance interpretation of his life and struggle for power and then force him to watch it.

2. Conduct a séance and pretend to channel the spirit of his mother.

3. Tell him he's been a "naughty boy."

4. Pretend to be the Sorting Hat and apologize - apparently you were wrong, and he was meant to be in Hufflepuff.

5. Call him Ickle-Voldykins...and then run. Fast.

6. Ask him to guess which hand the last Horcrux is in.

7. ...admonish him for cheating if he uses Legilimency.

8. Tell him you know where Harry is hiding, and Apparate before providing further details.

9. Dress up as Dumbledore and say you faked your own death.

10. Start an argument about Harry Potter shipping.

11. Tell him he's adopted and that he's really Hagrid's other half-brother.

12. Tell him Harry is his son and ask him if he's sure he wants to go through with Book 7 now, since it's become "soooo Star Wars."

13. Tell him one of his Death Eaters is actually a member of the Order using Polyjuice Potion - but refuse to tell him who it is.

14. If he gets rid of some Death Eaters in the process of figuring this out, then all the better for Harry!

15. Tell him that one of his enemies is plotting against him in the Forbidden Forest.

16. Tell him all about your enemy/rival and how he's nothing compared to them. Perhaps he'll go after them rather than Harry.

17. Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.

_____________________________________________________________

23 Things To Do in a Ministry of Magic Elevator

Guaranteed to, er..get you admitted to St. Mungo's?


By Erin


This list may contain spoilers!

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they jinx you. Wait for the effects of the 'jinx' to wear off, smile, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but intentionally push the wrong ones.

4. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

5. Drop a quill and wait until someone goes to pick it up and then scream, "That's mine!"

6. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

7. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on ask if they have an appointment.

8. Lay down a Muggle Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

9. Randomly ask "Did you feel that?" When they look at you curiously, begin to explain your theory that a troll has made its way into the building, become more panicked by the minute.

10. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. As they are getting off, tell them you "know of a potion that can cure that…"

11. When the doors close, announce to the others in a voice of forced calm, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

12. Swat at flying memos which don't exist.

13. Call out, "Group hug!" and then enforce it. Use Imperius if necessary.

14. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" Then explain that the Legilimency lessons are working a little too well.

15. Crack open your briefcase or purse and peer inside periodically while whispering, "Got enough air in there?"

16. Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall, without getting off. If someone approaches you, turn around and try to bite them.

17. Stare at another passenger for a while and then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

18. Charm one of your fingers to talk and use it to communicate with other passengers.

19. Listen to the elevator walls with your Extendable Ears.

20. Speak incantations when anyone presses a button. (Alohomora, for example)

21. Stare manically and grin at another passenger for an extended amount of time before announcing, "I have new socks on."

22. Draw a little square on the floor with your wand and announce to the other passengers in an unnecessarily loud voice, "This is MY personal space!"

23. If anyone questions any of your actions, claim to be under the influence of dark magic.

(Merci à Mugglenet.com pour les listes ^^)
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Keven

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Nombre de messages : 139
Age : 30
Date d'inscription : 28/08/2006

MessageSujet: Re: Listes/Tops   11/07/07, 12:11 am

looooooooooool mon commentaire sera inutile mais ho tant bien résumeur de lopinion de tous : TROP DROLE !!! jen ai pleuré tellemetn je ris ... ma meilleure est dans ''comment se faire tuer par Voldemort'' et cest : ''rire pendant les rencontres des death eaters et de lui dire que vous lui avez tout appris ... qqc dememe la !!

en tk trop fucking drole comme décompte sérieux !
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Ginia
I've gone identity mad ♠
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Féminin
Nombre de messages : 639
Age : 30
Grimace : 8op
Date d'inscription : 27/08/2006

MessageSujet: Re: Listes/Tops   11/07/07, 12:18 am

Lol y en a d'autres, je les posterai demain (à moins que tu les veuilles tout de suite Kev, dans quel cas je pourrais bien les mettre maintenant ou te donner le lien lol)
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Keven

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Nombre de messages : 139
Age : 30
Date d'inscription : 28/08/2006

MessageSujet: Re: Listes/Tops   11/07/07, 12:22 am

lol demian c'est bon chérie ! moi de toute facon jsuis pas loin daller dormir a lheure quil est ! jai pas bcp dormi depuis longtemps
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Ginia
I've gone identity mad ♠
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Féminin
Nombre de messages : 639
Age : 30
Grimace : 8op
Date d'inscription : 27/08/2006

MessageSujet: Re: Listes/Tops   11/07/07, 11:23 am

20 Ways to Annoy/Scare Harry Potter

If nothing else, it'll get you on his bad side!


By Lauren


This list may contain spoilers!

21. Ask him to tell Cedric you said hello.

20. Follow him around and say "Voldemort is your uncle!" in a loud voice right next to his ear.

19. Ask him if the "anvil-sized hints" ever hit him on the head, which is really what caused the scar.

18. "So... first you were the Boy Who Lived.. then you were a nutcase... now you're The Chosen One. Why don't they just add it together so that you're the "Chosen Nutcase Who Lived?"

17. Offer him stolen silver from Sirius Black's house.

16. Make sure you tell him you got it from Mundungus Fletcher.

15. Tell him that he should stop pretending to be Harry Potter and to wipe the fake scar off his head.

14. Follow him around wearing shirts that say, "I'M WITH THE CHOSEN ONE!"

13. Buy him one that says, "THEY'RE WITH THE CHOSEN ONE!" and get really offended when he doesn't wear it. Be sure to tell him you made it yourself.

12. Ask if he knows whether Voldemort had any scars and if so, where are they?

11. Everytime you see him, say "Do you like Luna Lovegood?" in a sing-song voice.

10. Ask him if thestrals have pretty eyes.

9. Re-enact his triumph over the dragon in the first task. Then ask if you can do it again on his Firebolt.

8. If he asks you a question, sing the answer in at least three different styles of music and then ask if he likes to sing.

7. Buy him concealer and tell him to put it over his scar so Voldemort won't recognize him.

6. Tell him Moaning Myrtle has fallen in love with him and make sure he goes to ask her about it.

5. Whenever it rains, use his back as a piano and start singing, "Remember When it Rained" in a loud and terrible way.

4. If he does or says something unusual, say, "Don't worry. We'll call St. Mungo's and get you the help that you so desperately need."

3. Ask if Muggles can see his scar.

2. Run up to him giggling and say, "Romilda Vane says you have a tattoo on your chest. Can I see it?"

1. Tell him that if he dies defeating the Dark Lord, you want his broomstick.

_____________________________________________________________

44 Ways to Bother Severus Snape...
Spoiler:
 

Guaranteed to get you, at the very least, a detention or two...



By Remy, Leah, Aly, Genny, Elizabeth, Emzy, Sarah F., Sarah S., and Stacy

This list contains HUGE book 6 spoilers

1. Make him take a shower.

2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower.

3. Make him use clarifying shampoo.

4. Apparate next to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disapparate before he realizes what happened.

5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it.

6. ...enchant the cleanser to follow him around anyway.

7. Tell him you stole his teddy bear.

8. Tell him you won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair.

9. When he washes his hair, tell him you were just kidding and said teddy bear has already been destroyed.

10. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and give him a mohawk.

11. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and write "Crazy!" all over his face in permanent ink.

12. Sneak up on him when he's asleep and wash his hair.

13. Send him repeated invitations to a makeover party - which emphasis on facials, shampooing, and hair-braiding. ("But you'll look so pretty!!")

14. Force him to get a Michael Jackson-type nose surgery.

15. Call him Michael by accident.

16. Make parallels between him and Michael Jackson. "You both have deformed noses, you both have pale skin, you both have greasy black hair, he's the King of Pop, you're the Half-Blood Prince, you both molest chil..Oops!"

17. Prank call him and say, "Where's the emergency?! I hear there was a man at this number who needed an extreme nose job ASAP!" over and over again.

18. Resurrect James using a seance and make him haunt Snape for eternity.

19. Hypnotize the Death Eaters to make fun of him and constantly try to de-pants him.

20. Tap him on his left shoulder and jump to the right.

21. Nudge him and say, "So...how's the double-agent business going?" *nudgenudgewinkwink*

22. Tape a sign that says "CURSE ME!" on his back.

23. Call him Snivellus.

24. Tell you consulted a pyschic and he's not a Prince afterall...and he never will be.

25. Convince him that going around in the nude is the new "in" style. Wait, are we torturing him or us?!

26. Give him to Grawp. *evil laugh*

27. Obliviate his memory and force him to spend the rest of his days as a Muggle. Or better yet, try it within the Obliviating part!

28. Dye his skin pink.

29. Force him to become the head Gryffindor cheerleader.

30. Tell him that you've killed Draco (as tempting as it may be, do not really kill him!).

31. Laugh evilly and tell him that he's broken the Unbreakable Vow since he didn't save Draco, and will therefore die at any moment.

32. Laugh at him as he runs in circles panicking about his impending "doom."

33. Or just kill Draco and force Snape to watch him die. *dodges fangirls*

34. Give him the nickname Half-Blood Princess.

35. Find anything he's ever written "I am the Half-Blood Prince" on, and change it to say "Princess."

36. Blackmail him. "If you do anything bad to me, I'll show everyone the picture of you before your nose job went horribly wrong!"

37. Comment on how smudgy his papers are because they have grease marks from his nose on them.

38. Tell him Voldemort doesn't love him anymore.

39. Tell him a story with many parallels to his own life, and disguise it badly.

40. End with his imminent doom and the moral: "Greasy-haird traitors who murder old men [for any reason] and run away, will always get caught and murdered in the most painful way wizardly possible."

41. When he confronts you about it, pretend you have no idea what he's talking about.

42. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch the Potter Puppet Pals.

43. Buy him a shirt with his Pupper Pal look-a-like and say "Bother!" as loudly as you can whenever you're in his presence.

44. And if none of these bother Snape enough, you could always hack away at his head with a blunt axe - giving him a slow, painful death and an embarassing, not-quite-Headless-Hunt-material afterlife.

_____________________________________________________________
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